Some Days, I Have No Patience for Mindfulness

When Stillness Feels Like a Demand

For the past twenty months, Kyle Neo has been receiving nutrition through a feeding tube due to a swallowing complication that directs food into his lungs instead of his stomach. This condition, known as dysphagia, has made oral eating impossible and necessitated the use of a percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy (PEG) tube. Living with this medical device has brought both physical challenges and emotional strain, particularly during routine mishaps like spilling formula.

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The PEG tube, while life-sustaining, requires constant care and vigilance. Kyle describes how accidents such as spilled meals are not uncommon among those who rely on tube feeding, often stemming from loose connections or movement during daily activities. These incidents, though minor in isolation, can accumulate into sources of frustration and exhaustion. He recalls one particular day when spilled milk became the breaking point—not because of the mess itself, but because it symbolized the relentless demand for patience and control that his condition imposes. In that moment, the ideal of mindfulness felt inaccessible, even aggravating, as it asked for calm in a body that felt betrayed.

How Do You Find Peace When Your Body Feels Unsafe?

Kyle explains that mindfulness practices, often recommended to manage chronic illness stress, can sometimes feel like another burden when the body is in constant distress. He notes that being told to „be present” or „accept the moment” overlooks the reality that some moments are physically painful or emotionally overwhelming. Rather than rejecting mindfulness entirely, he suggests it must be adapted—acknowledging frustration without guilt, and allowing space for impatience as a valid human response. His experience highlights the need for flexible, individualized approaches to emotional well-being in long-term care.

There is no single answer, but Kyle finds small moments of grounding in sensory details—the sound of rain, the warmth of a blanket, or the rhythm of his breath despite the tube. He emphasizes that peace doesn’t always come from stillness, but from recognizing effort: showing up, managing care, and enduring. These acts, he says, are their own form of presence. Over time, he’s learned to measure progress not in serenity, but in persistence.

What is a PEG tube and why is it used? A PEG tube is a medical device inserted into the stomach to provide nutrition when oral eating is unsafe or impossible, often due to swallowing disorders like dysphagia.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can mindfulness still help people with chronic medical conditions? Yes, but it must be flexible—forcing calm can backfire; allowing emotions like frustration to exist without judgment can make mindfulness more accessible and realistic.

How common are feeding tube accidents like spills? Spills and leaks are relatively common among PEG tube users and often result from tube movement, loose fittings, or pressure during activity, requiring regular checking and adjustment.